More sad than glad.

I have so much bitterness.

I am the only one that can let it go. Sure, I could hope for someone to care enough about me to wash away some of the feelings of abandonment, judgment, shame, guilt. But, so far none of that has happened.

Why. People say they love me. Care. Want me to be happy.

The same people who judge and abandon me.

I am alone.

I have a beautiful man who helps me not feel alone. I help him feel cared for and loved and valued. It's not the romantic love they write about in the books. It's a deep friendship. It's loving. It's supportive. It's two lonely people taking comfort with each other every day.


That's more than I get from the people who "Love" me.

This is the next phase of my life. Letting go. The question is - of the bitterness? Or of the attachments and relationships. The things I Love. The people I Love. Letting go.

Sadness.